12th
It’s a short story, and I can write it in a paragraph.
Australian, 38 years old, archaeologist, Ph.D. from a local university. Passers-by looks, slightly fat body. I swiped to the right because I was a little curious about his major, and looking at his photos, I felt quite contradictory. A doctor of archeology who looks dull has a tattoo of a flower arm and other tattoos. What do you think it feels like? Alright, this person has managed to get my attention.
After Match succeeded, I couldn’t wait to start my torture of his soul, it was all about work haha. He patiently told me about his current work. During the few weeks I was in contact with him, he mainly went to the wilderness to collect stones for on-the-spot identification and then brought them back to the laboratory for analysis. This person saw that I was interested, so he took pictures of his work. He left the camp at 4 a.m. and went to take a small plane, landed in the area they surveyed, and went down to collect and analyze the situation on the spot. Also give me the name of the popular science stone, how long is the year, etc. I found him boring after a while. As a superficial person like me, I am more interested in chatting with me about gossip and games, but it is my question, so I can only study it. I have to say that his working conditions are miserable. Think about how desolate the wilderness of Australia is. How much sun? How many wild animals are there? And the camp where I live is a prefabricated house, and there is no air conditioning in summer. I can only lament his dedication to science.
Well, up to this point, I think he is an honest Dr. Hanhan who dedicated himself to science. Later, when he talked about his situation, I felt that there was a problem. For example, he said that his relationship with his family was not very good since he was a child, he always felt very anxious, and he also has ADHD. His family was very crazy. Not only did they not support him during his Ph.D., they also ridiculed him, and deliberately created conflicts and quarrels. I felt the same way when I heard about the conflicts in the original family, so at the beginning I always enlightened him, comforted him, and often joked about other topics to make him happy. At that time, I still had the heart of the Virgin, thinking that even if I didn’t develop anything with him, at least I could comfort others and accumulate some merit for myself. By the way, one of his hobbies is to watch Japanese actress wrestling (note: it is the kind of wrestling that wears cosplay costumes and has a scripted performance, and the audience is mostly male), and shares photos of those actresses with me from time to time. The first two times, I said that these girls are very cute, and he was very enthusiastic. He kept sending me pictures of them and then said how hardworking and motivated they were, but he stopped sending me after I strongly asked.
Another point is that I found that when I guided him to talk about other topics, he could always turn the topic in a negative direction, and I broke down a little bit, but I still kept chatting with him patiently. Am I a virgin or I’m too fucking free? He also took the initiative to mention that he met a Korean girl from their school on the Internet. After chatting for a long time and then meeting, the Korean girl stopped talking to him. He also said that he still doesn’t understand why? When he shared this story with me, I really didn’t think deeply about it, but just comforted him, maybe the timing was wrong or he had a lot of spare tires. After I met him in person I understood why Korean girls stopped talking to him.
I took the initiative to ask him out, not expecting to have a sweet date with him, but because one day when I came out of the gym, I really wanted to eat something from a Spanish restaurant near my home, and I wanted to find a meal buddy to share the bill, so I asked My friends said I was not free, so I asked this person out without thinking much. In fact, at that time he was still a bit awkward and didn’t want to come out.
Compared with his photo, this person has a much worse temperament. Sometimes temperament determines whether a person will deal with me or not. When he first saw me, he cringed and greeted me awkwardly, not daring to look at me. I thought to myself, why is this man so shy? Anyway, we’ve been chatting for almost two weeks now. Then I had an ominous premonition, but you can’t run away from the meal you made, right? Since then, I have been active in the atmosphere, actively opening up topics to avoid mutual embarrassment. To be honest, from the time we met to the end of the meal, he looked at me no more than 5 times, and he was timid from the beginning to the end of his speech. I don’t know why? It must not be overwhelmed by my beauty and aura haha. The only moment that made his eyes brighten was when he said that he bought a plane ticket to Japan next month to watch actress wrestling, and to support his favorite actress. That expression is like a brain-dead fan. God, I was screaming, why would I go to my favorite Spanish restaurant with this guy? Is it not good to eat alone? Sin, oh, sin.
When I really couldn’t make up a topic and I saw that the meal was almost finished (actually it was not an hour but I was eating like chewing wax, sisters), I took the initiative to ask him: do you mind sharing the bill with me tonight? He replied I said: why don’t you pay it all? I laughed twice. In my heart????? I said: OK if you wish, I don’t mind. Because I asked you out. He smiled and said he was just joking. I reiterated that it doesn’t matter if I pay all the bills, but I guess I was already in a bad mood at that time, not because I was angry that I had to pay the whole bill, but because I found a socially impaired person to have a meal. Qu’s meal. Later, it turned out that each paid half and half.
After I went back, I didn’t want to talk to this person anymore. I mainly felt that I didn’t have any connection with this person. With such a low EQ and he was shrouded in negative energy for a long time, it was difficult to be my friend. Later, I would still politely reply to his text messages, but the frequency was very low, and I couldn’t bear to hurt people with fragile hearts. He went on a trip to Japan after that, and my conversations with him have always been about wrestling actresses, and he also changed his profile picture to a photo with the actresses, he is simply an idiot. After I persuaded you not to send it to me again and again, I continued to send it. I couldn’t help running him: I respect that you are a big fan of Japanese wrestlers. But I’m not interested in that at all. In my opinion, wrestling is just for amusing men, kinda weird. Then I got on the nerve of this idiot, and he started arguing with me at length, meaning I belittled the work of her goddesses blah blah blah, at least these girls get to do what they love because of us weird men. I continue to hate him: I didn’t judge them, of course, they can do whatever they want. Here’s another real wrestler who doesn’t need to be pretty and act to amuse men, why don’t you watch that? How hard to admit it you just like watching girls with makeup and costume to do wrestling? He said he just likes it, and he even quibbled that he likes to watch men wrestling, so what? I finally warned him not to give me TM again After posting this, the idiot closed his mouth and never spoke again.
Now I have neither resentment nor nostalgia for him, and when I think of him, there is no disturbance in my heart. I just hope that he will live well.
If you want to write something from this relationship for your sisters’ reference, there is. I can briefly say a few points.
- Things about cohabitation and guarantee
After getting along with his ex for more than a year, he offered to live together.
I was a little hesitant at the time, so we had an honest conversation and discussed why we wanted to live together.
He answers that they know each other very well and love each other, and living together is a natural thing, and it is also based on marriage. Seeing that he was so serious, I agreed.
Afterward, he also took the initiative to put the matter of spouse guarantee on the agenda (Australian law stipulates that you can apply for a spouse guarantee if you have lived together for more than one year and have a de facto marriage basis, and you don’t need to get married). We went to the bank to open a joint account and handled Other materials required for a guarantee that will be prepared for future applications. In short, everything he did made me feel at ease, and I could see that he wanted me to stay.
Why am I saying this? Because I found that many girls around me are willing to fake marriages to stay or marry someone they don’t like, and I don’t understand this. The current situation is that if you apply for a spouse visa after a de facto marriage (De Facto) for one year, the government will process it for at least half a year. After half a year, you will be given a temporary visa (TR). After two years of TR, you will have to review your relationship. It depends on the situation to decide whether to give you a formal PR. The review period is at least half a year to one year. In this way, it will take at least 4-5 years to successfully get the PR, not counting that you have not lived together. The time we spent together before.
If I didn’t like someone, I would never be able to stay by their side for several years just to get a PR. Commercial marriages in exchange for mutual benefits are not within the scope of the discussion. I am referring to the idea of staying simply by marrying. Locals or people with status are not stupid. It is clear to others what your purpose is in the process of getting along. I’m afraid that those who go for this purpose, but are played by others again, will be in vain when the time comes.
There are only a few 5 years in my life. I don’t understand and don’t advocate dedicating my youth to an identity that I’m not sure I can get it. So whenever someone persuades me, you should quickly find someone to marry and you will have status. I can only laugh. The simple truth of “depending on yourself” applies to every girl who works alone abroad.
I’m not judging some people’s practices here, it’s just that everyone’s pursuit is different.
- Why did you break up?
It was only after living together that I found out that it was completely inappropriate. The main reason is that he can’t get rid of his alcoholism.
I don’t mind men smoking and drinking. It is acceptable to drink a few bottles of beer every day when I go home, even if I am slightly drunk.
The frequency of Ex getting drunk is two or three times a week. Usually, he goes to the balcony of his home to drink after work, listen to music, or play with his mobile phone while drinking, and he can drink until 1 or 2 p.m. He rarely drinks outside, except when he goes to a bar to perform. I didn’t think so when we didn’t live together before, because he would get drunk when we didn’t see each other, and I was out of sight and out of mind.
He doesn’t go crazy when he’s drunk, and he doesn’t use any violent tendencies, except talk a little more and keep talking to you about things. Then go straight to sleep.
Later, he was not violent, but his drunkenness inspired my violent tendency.
At that time, I was under a lot of pressure from studying, so I couldn’t understand his state. I smashed the house once (he cleaned it up later), beat him twice (he didn’t fight back), and in the end, I thought I was crazy and was beaten. He’s crazy.
He asked me, I didn’t provoke you by drinking, why did you do this?
I told my friends about his problem, and unexpectedly most of them supported my ex, they also asked me the same question, they didn’t offend anyone by drinking, why would I do that? I can’t answer that.
I also patiently persuaded my ex to avoid getting drunk, but he resolutely refused. He thinks that if I love him, I should accept everything from him.
Later, I calmed down and found that during the three months or so of living together with him, instead of becoming a better version of myself, I became a crazy woman, with a particularly depressed mood and mania. I must have problems myself, I admit, but my ex is the lead that detonated the bomb.
When I thought about living in this state forever, I immediately realized that this is not the life I want at all. So on the premise that the persuasion was ineffective and I gave in and tolerated it reasonably, one day I proposed to break up, and then quickly removed the joint account and other materials with my name on it. He saw that I was so determined and agreed. And on the second day after I said we broke up, he didn’t know where he found a girl and started chatting. Ha ha. I won’t start this paragraph, anyway, it also accelerated my determination to move out.
In fact, during the cohabitation period, except for alcoholism, my ex did pretty well in other aspects of life. This is also the reason why I suffered for a while after we broke up. I also questioned whether I was making a big deal out of a molehill. And I also found reasons to convince myself to accept the fact that he is an alcoholic. For example, local people love to drink, and they often get drunk, and they drink outside. Compared with my ex, I have no violent tendencies and drink at home honestly. My ex is really good. There are many. Even many of my friends brainwashed me saying, isn’t it unrealistic for you to find a man who doesn’t drink in Australia?
Fortunately, in the end, I followed my inner guidance and did not succumb to external interference. I chose a path that I felt comfortable with, even if the final price was losing this relationship. From this relationship, I also understood a lot of things, which to a certain extent also influenced my choice of dating objects in the future. You have also seen that the people I met later are boys who do not smoke or drink, and live a regular life. Because of the lessons learned from the past, I think this is a prerequisite for a harmonious relationship in the future, although it is basic.