Briefly summarize the pros and cons of speed dating
benefit:
- High efficiency and save time. You can intuitively judge whether this person is likely to be with you, and there is no such thing as finding out that it is inappropriate after an online chat.
- Meet friends through multiple channels.
harm:
- There is a certain fee.
- Not friendly to people from the Appearance Association. For example, I have to look at the eyes first and then other conditions. If there is no pre-filtering, the result is that if you arrive at the scene on the same day, none of them are your dishes, but you still have to try them reluctantly. In the same way, my low appearance probably caused a mental blow to others that day.
- There is a great chance of awkward chats. I’m not very good at English, but I can chat with people hahaha all the time, as long as the other party doesn’t hate it. But in this kind of scene, there are some people that you will not have any intersection with when you walk on the street. Now I sit down with you and communicate with you face to face for at least 7-8 minutes. Do you think it is embarrassing or not?! Girls who are introverted and not good at communicating should not consider it.
In short, if you go to this kind of local blind date activity with a fun and casual attitude, then girls can try it and don’t expect too much from others.
I probably won’t spend any more money in the future, haha.
number 11
37 years old, doing technical work in the local railway bureau, 188cm. Looking at the photos, this person’s appearance and dress are okay, but it’s not my style, the most important thing is that his hooked nose reminds me of the wizard Saruman in Lord of the Rings haha. This person was matched by me when I was struggling with No. 10 and feeling irritated. I swiped right to him mainly because I saw his funny and cute expression in the photo of him eating snacks. After chatting for a while, I found that this person was really funny, but at that time I still couldn’t forget the number 10, so I never thought about meeting other people. A group of my 38 classmates knew that I was chatting with this handsome guy, and they were even more excited than me. They all commented that this guy is better looking and more temperamental than No. 10, and they kept persuading me to go on a date with him. In the end, I agreed to the dim sum appointment on the 11th despite the entanglement.
On the day of the meeting, he arrived earlier than me. I watched him walking towards me under the sun from a distance, and I was still happy at that moment. I am much better looking than in the photos, and my appearance level is about the same as that of a firefighter, but my happy mood is only an appreciation of beauty, without any physiological impulse. So from this point of view, I’m a sensible dog, right? Ha ha.
After a simple hug and greeting, we headed toward the restaurant. This person is the first person in my dating history to meet at a restaurant. Although eating dim sum seems casual, the restaurant is a well-known local Cantonese restaurant, and he ordered it. I have always supported the AA system. In the beginning, I was still thinking: how to pay later?
We sat down and chatted casually. He was really funny and humorous, and he kept talking to me with a smile on his face. At that time, I thought he was quite pleasing to the eye, and I looked directly into his eyes and didn’t dodge much when chatting with him. We chatted with each other about work and life. Through him, I realized how backward the local railway system is, and many things need to be calculated and monitored manually. I was a little surprised and gave him Amway a call on our domestic maglev and high-speed rail systems. He smiled a little embarrassed and said that there was no way this was the status quo. Then I asked him if he had any interesting Tinder dating stories to tell. He was not shy, and then he talked to me.
Let me try to recall the original words on the 11th: I met a girl before, and she was pretty good in every way until we talked about the photo I took with my mother on Tinder.
Me: I saw that picture and I thought it was your mother because you two look so much alike. Your mother looks very young and very elegant.
Number 11: Haha, thank you. Most people would talk like you, right? But guess what she said? She didn’t comment on the photo, just asked me: why did you put a picture of you and your mom on Tinder? Are you mama’s boy? At that time, my favorability for this girl declined. I put a photo of my mother and I saw that I was a boy. There is no basis.
Me: That girl is more straightforward. So why put a picture of you and your mother?
Number 11: I love my mum, and that photo of us both looks really good, so I want everyone to see it.
As for posting pictures of moms on Tinder, I’m fine with that. But if you look at it carefully, if the mother and son look harmonious, I will feel that this person has a sense of security. After all, the quality of a person has a certain relationship with the growth environment and family harmony. In retrospect, the firefighter also posted a photo of him and his mother, who appeared to be very close. So, will boys who post photos of their mothers make girls subconsciously increase their chances of swiping right? What do you guys think about posting photos?
Then the 11th
On the 11th, he continued to share with me another dating story of his. He said that one day he asked this girl out for a drink, and then they talked about what food he likes to eat. Number 11 said he likes to eat Asian food, especially spicy things. Then the girl immediately replied to him and said: I can’t eat any spicy food because I have XXXX, and I will die the next day after eating spicy food. After saying this, I laughed wildly on the 11th. I was a little confused at the time and didn’t understand what he meant by XXXX, so I asked him to translate it for me. Then he explained to me while laughing: XXXX means that there are small pimples near the anus and it is inconvenient to excrete. Do you understand what I mean? I suddenly realized that XXXX was hemorrhoid! (Forgive me for not being able to speak English for hemorrhoids now) Well, I can’t describe my mood at the time. On the one hand, I felt that all the girls he met were so straightforward, and on the other hand, I felt that he was half-baked. I’m also to blame, curiosity killed the cat, and I have to listen to jokes about hemorrhoids after a meal.
Through sharing his dating story on the 11th and other chats during the meal, he gave me the impression that he is more down-to-earth without pretending, has a good personality, has a stable job and works hard, does not smoke and occasionally drinks in social situations, Life is relatively simple, nothing more than watching dramas, exercising and meeting friends. Here is another affordable man. Although I didn’t have the impulse between men and women for him at the time, he can be regarded as a person who can be further contacted.
We chatted for a while after the snack, and there was no silence after the whole meal. I saw that the conversation was almost done, so I mentioned: Let AA pay the bill. He gave me a playful look and said: How can I get the lady to pay? Of course, I paid for it all. I pretended to ask: Are you sure? Then I said, “Okay if I have a chance to come out next time, I will pay for it.” He smiled and said: There will be a chance. Then he settled the bill and we went out for a walk and went home.
After I got home, I was doing my own thing very calmly. It was not until he sent me a message in the evening that I remembered that I met the person on the 11th today (by the way, the dim sum bureau is about lunchtime). The content of the text message is the same, nothing more than Nice to meet me, hope to have the opportunity to meet again, and so on. I replied a few words lightly, even if the first date with No. 11 was completely over.
The next day I went to school, and my 38 classmates came to ask me about the 11th, I said: 11th everything is OK, I just didn’t treat him like I did with the 10th when I met his impulse. They shook their heads and taught me to be more sober. I said that I am soberly aware that I like number 10. My classmates were speechless and didn’t want to talk to me.
In the week since the first meeting with No. 11, I didn’t take the initiative to send messages or look forward to having a second date with him. In essence, I have always had a slightly alienated attitude toward people I don’t like. In the middle, I thought that other opportunities should not be blocked for the uncertain person No. 10, and person No. 11 can be further contacted, so I will reply kindly when there is a text message from him, but my flirting skills were really bad at the time. It didn’t turn on him automatically, one is that I don’t like him, and the other is that I want to take my time with the experience and lessons learned from No. 10. My attitude towards him now seems to be a spare tire.
After chatting for a while, he asked me to go to a well-known pub with many handsome men and beautiful women on weekends. I was in a state of being driven crazy by my studies, and I just took this opportunity to relax so I agreed to go out. Unfortunately, the pub was too crowded that day and we had to queue for a long time, so we moved to an ordinary bar. Let me briefly talk about the meeting in the bar that day. We talked about the dramas and movies we were watching recently, our past love history, and shared our ideal life status and views on family, etc. Compared with the first meeting and the subsequent text message chat, the topic this time is a bit deeper. And according to what he said, he is still more eager to have a beautiful family in the future, and he also focuses on simplicity and harmony in life. We have initially reached a consensus on this point. I stayed in the bar for about two hours, and the chat was pleasant throughout the whole process without any ambiguity. Then we were going to go home separately. Before leaving, he asked me: Can I kiss you? formal kiss is for another day haha. thanks for your night, I’m very happy. Then he gave me a light peck on the cheek, and I pecked back, hugged each other, and left.
On the second date of the date, I still give a good review of my ability to control the progress. With the shadow caused by the urgency of No. 10, I restrained my actions too much this time (now it seems that there are self-control factors, but more because I don’t like it). I think the information I sent to the other party at that time was: 1. I am still interested in you (I will respond to text messages promptly and will not be perfunctory, and I promise to go out on a second date), 2. I broke up soon 1 year, now you can enter a romantic relationship when you meet a suitable one (show that you are not here to play), 3. If you have the opportunity, you can also ask out to play and see if it can be further developed (this time I took the initiative to mention that I can go to see it next time movies or singing karaoke). So at the time, I was full of confidence and thought it would be good to have such a long flow of water, and then I was slapped in the face by No. 11.
Last dial number 11
For half a month after the second date, we only chatted, and I felt that he seemed a little less active than before. Although he was still chatting, you could feel that this person no longer started new topics. Well, I thought it didn’t matter at the time, maybe he was busy with work and saw other girls and didn’t have time to talk to me, thinking of this, I didn’t have any ripples in my heart. My wife is busy too). Later, after 5 days of silence with each other, I began to think: Hey, is this the rhythm of wanting porn? Even if you want Huang, I will preemptively strike! So I took the initiative to send a message to him and asked; hows everything going? Then the key point came, he briefly described what he was busy with recently, and then sent me a message like this: I need to ask. When you didn’t kiss me I think that you don’t like me, but you keep messaging me. So I’m confused.
After reading this message, I laughed out loud. It seems that this man is not stupid. Even though I acted calmly and showed interest in him when I dated him, my behavior could not deceive people. But you didn’t ask me when you went back, and then you kept sending and receiving text messages with me for half a month, and now you came to ask me? What is your reflex arc? Then I forcefully explained, I said: I didn’t kiss you that doesn’t mean I don’t like you, are there any rules I have to kiss my date after 2 dates in here? I like you but just want to slow down this time if that bothers you. I thought you are a very chill guy and don’t want things to be quick as me. (Really, I’m just being friendly when laying down that like you His self-esteem, I felt a little empathy at the time, why would number 10 say like to me)
Number 11 continued: haha, Im patient, I also enjoy physical affirmation. Maybe you are nervous about kissing and sex? I am thinking maybe Chinese culture just doesn’t like to talk openly about this subject. It’s the nature of dating. Not making out with you means that you don’t like you, right? It can even get involved in culture, get out!)
Me: I see. I’m not nervous. Just need time and see how it goes. So what do you say? Should I stop texting? (Don’t want to explain too much)
Number 11: thank you for explaining, I understand. Don’t stop texting, we can see how it goes.
Since this text message, I have never been in touch with No. 11, and he has disappeared from my life since then. His intentions are obvious from the text messages. In my opinion, he may just want to find a friend with benefits. I have no interest in this at all, so we understand each other. Naturally, there is no need to waste time to see how it goes.
Let’s sum up number 11. It took a month from the 11th to the last text message. I think I behaved properly, I have a good sense of proportion, and I can get along with No. 11 slowly without being humble or arrogant (maybe not liking a person will make me behave rationally). As for the 11th, he also spent time and money dating and chatting with me, and he also paid for it. He finally hinted that more physical contact may be a matter of dating. I don’t blame him. This is the result of inconsistent needs… Having said that, if he was my favorite from the beginning, perhaps this would be another story.