Hi, I’m not sure if this is allowed, but I would like a third party’s perspective.
So, “Claire” (33F) and I (28M) met online and have been dating for about 4 months. We both desire a committed relationship and because we live apart, we frequently speak on the phone. One of the subjects that we frequently discuss on the phone is our previous relationships.
While I only had 2 relationships, both of which lasted for less than 6 months, and no casual partners, she had numerous hookups, FWBs, and partnerships in the past (there is nothing wrong with having multiple partners). She is more on the frigid side of things; she loves to be independent and despises exhibiting public affection (like holding hands, for example). I am also the romantic sort of guy (the one who brings you flowers, pays always the bill, makes sure you get home safely, etc.), whereas I am.
I haven’t been in many relationships since I’ve always been a career-driven man; right now, I work 70 to 80 hours a week as a resident doctor. I worked even before residency to support my family and pay for my studies during medical school, so I never really had much time to hunt for partners.
She claims that because I don’t have much experience, I’ll feel like I’m losing out on casual sex if we get together because she felt the same way when she was in her first serious relationship and hadn’t attempted casual sex.
Now, I’ve tried to reassure her that I don’t enjoy casual sex, but after hearing her say it a million times, I had a conversation with her yesterday in which I simply said, “I want you to be happy; what do you want me to do? When dating you, can I date and have sex with other women?” No, I can’t stop you from doing what you want, but I would hate for you to see other girls than me, she answered.
She tried to gaslight me into thinking I misunderstood her, which worsened the situation, but I simply told her I was sleepy, bid her good night, and went to sleep. She sent me a love song this morning and told me that I am the more romantic of the two when we are together. I want her to feel secure in our relationship, but I also want to stop hearing that I am unreliable because I chose to prioritize my profession above pointless sex.
Any suggestions on how to approach this?