Spring is here, and the desire to find a reliable teammate is just around the corner again.
But the past love experience and dating experiences have been quite unsuccessful, and I have reviewed and reflected on myself, but I am still not sure how to date/date to establish a long-term relationship with a virtuous cycle, and then become a life partner and start a family.
From childhood to adulthood, my family has never worried about my studies and work. I feel that as long as I find the right direction and method, and put in the effort, I will be rewarded accordingly. Finding a partner is not just what my parents want me to do. To be able to stabilize earlier, I still long for it deep down in my heart. In my imagination when I was a child, at this age when I am about to enter the third year, I should have children haha. However, the goose has been with the previous object for a long time But the other party didn’t think about getting married. After dating, I didn’t meet a suitable person who could continue to develop.
In the following aspects, I sincerely seek advice from people who have experienced it, and boys are also welcome to give some opinions from the perspective of the opposite sex.
1. Dating
1.1 About the initial stage of online
The only two ex-boyfriends were developed from classmates. During the dating period, I felt super uncomfortable. There were a lot of chats and chats on the app, but in the end, they didn’t even develop into friends. There are the following difficulties I don’t know how to solve it:
1.1.1 Even if you are interested in the other party, you can’t find the topic after chatting for a few days.
Should I try contacting it a few more times and see again, or just let it be?
Sometimes when I meet someone I like very much, I will take the initiative to chat a few times. If the other party doesn’t respond, I will respond quickly (I am a person who hopes to get positive feedback from others). I used to be afraid that I would miss myself. Interested people, but now I think this is more feasible. When we first met, it should be better to wait for the boys to take the initiative, right?
1.1.2 When to Meet and How to Screen
I am slightly socially phobic and tend to get to know more online (about 2 weeks) before meeting each other, otherwise, I find it awkward to meet strangers. And many boys tend to chat with each other once or twice to get a feel for it and don’t want to Type online chat for two or three weeks. Should I adjust myself, a multi-faceted base to improve efficiency, or just pass people who do not match my rhythm?
If we want to meet each other, I think we should at least screen them a little bit. My previous idea was to only pick someone who I can accept in the long run, but sometimes I feel that what if some people’s charm is manifested offline? I was very entangled. Later, I met three or four people offline. Either the other party stopped contacting me after the meeting, or I felt that the first meeting was a bit awkward, and I didn’t have the desire to continue to understand.
1.2 On expectations of the relationship
As mentioned above, I still believe in love and yearn for marriage. I want to get married early, but I don’t want to think that it’s because I’m old enough to get married, or it’s based on love (because I have a little age anxiety, so I’m a little conflicted?). I want to clarify my expectations with my potential partner early: if I like each other, I can have fun after dating and quickly establish a reasonable mechanism to deal with conflicts. I hope to get married within 1-2 years (these It’s enough time to know whether one or two people are suitable). Tell it early, and you can screen out those who just want to make friends and fall in love. Some friends around me advised me not to mention it to boys so early, especially when I just started dating In dating, boys should take the initiative to mention these; even if I put forward the expectation of the relationship so early, some boys will lie because they still want to develop first (for example, this is the case with the ex, when he proposed dating, he said that he also wanted to go early Marriage, but then the goose changed his mind later, he avoided marriage), so it is difficult to effectively screen through this. I think it makes sense.
(God, is there any other way to quickly screen out boys who agree with my relationship expectations? This has a great impact on the later development. If expectations are inconsistent, there is no need for communication, and it’s just a waste of time for each other.)
2. In love
2.1 About the performance of the mutual understanding stage
I am used to being straightforward, and (naively?) I believe that loving someone should be to accept all of him, including his shortcomings. Of course, it does not mean that he completely ignores his shortcomings because of his love. If this shortcoming triggers some Conflicts naturally requires two people to understand each other, one side is tolerant, and the other side is restrained. Couples/husbands and wives who can get along for a long time must be aware of each other’s shortcomings, but they still don’t change their minds, right?
So in the previous relationship, when the boys were still peacocking their screens to show their advantages, I had already actively exposed my shortcomings (such as my quick temper). During the passionate love period, my ex was indeed tolerant, and I also quarreled. Aware of my problems, I became more patient. But when we broke up, he said that from then on he remembered my various faults, and he believed that the country is easy to change, and nature is hard to change. He can’t accept people with these faults together for a long time.
My mother told me that you should hide your shortcomings when you are in a relationship. Some married friends only discovered some shortcomings in each other after they got married, but their relationship was stable at that time, and after marriage, compared with when they were in love, most People will be more inclined to tolerate each other rather than talk about each other, so naturally there will be no big waves.
I would like to ask friends who are married or have a stable partner, do you think you should be sincere and be yourself during the running-in and understanding stage, or hide it and try to only release your attractive side?
2.2 About out-of-sync in the relationship
During the running-in period with my ex, I felt that there were fewer and fewer quarrels, and most of the conflicts were effectively resolved, but he understood my shortcomings early on, and this impression was preconceived, so even if there were fewer quarrels, every time The quarrel is to remind him that we all have some problems that the other party cares about. Most boys don’t like to communicate. I didn’t know this until we broke up. Generally speaking, it’s that the feelings and positioning of the relationship between the two parties are out of sync. A girlfriend who has been dating her boyfriend for half a year also encountered this problem recently. Her boyfriend wants to get married, but from her point of view, she hopes to get along again and wait until her status is stable. But people are afraid of uncertainty, My boyfriend is much older than us, and he expressed his intention to break up if he doesn’t plan to get married.
This kind of out-of-sync, if two people really cherish each other and communicate well, it feels like they can compromise with each other. But from the perspective of the slower-paced side, it still feels like a kind of pressure. I want to ask people who have similar experiences but How did the friends who finally got married successfully resolve it satisfactorily?
3. Self-change
Sometimes I also wonder if I am not good enough, so I have two relationships with no results. Do I need to correct some shortcomings? Do I need to pay more attention to the outside? Of course, even if I don’t find a partner, I still know how to keep fit and take care of my skin, live a good life, and work hard. Going back to the topic of personality flaws, should I work hard to improve or just find someone who can accept me?
Emmm Intimacy, maybe theories and strategies also play a role, but in the end, it still depends on luck and fate. T T After typing for a long time, I suddenly felt that there is no correct answer to these. The simplest truth is the right person at the right time everything is right…