Continue to number 10 (I’m so sad)

We were chatting happily at first, but he suddenly said seriously to me: sorry to make you upset recently.
Me: don’t be sorry. We are fine. I just don’t understand why were you being cold to me suddenly.
No. 10: I just was busy with work and family stuff. I’m really sorry. (Hehe, are you still lying? It’s not like I haven’t seen the login frequency of WhatsApp, let’s talk about what else your family needs from you)
I laughed, gave him a light slap, and half-jokingly said: bullshit.! Don’t try to fool me, I used the same trick to treat the ppl who annoyed me, it’s like karma, I treated other guys badly before and now the destiny is back to revenge. He also laughed.
I went on to say: I was thinking that you were really looking for something serious, maybe I just misunderstood. I quickly turned to the side and pretended to fold the quilt, are you hypocritical, my eldest sister, are you really enough?)
Number 10: I do! But sometimes I just want to be alone and don’t want to date too frequently
Me: well, I see. Maybe I’m not the one who you want to be serious with.

On the 10th, I saw that my face was wrong, so continue to apologize to me: I’m sorry, I just wanna take everything slowly. no rush to any relationship at the moment, hope you understand, sorry.
Me: (I’m tired of typing English, so I’m going to speak Chinese directly) Thank you for telling me honestly, then let’s not meet each other.
Number 10: Are you sure?
I am sure. My male friends are only divided into three categories, pure friends, boyfriends, and friends with benefits. I don’t want to be friends with you anyway, so I have no reason to meet you. (I thought to myself, I like you so much, how can I just be friends and friends with benefits?)
Number 10: Well then, I respect your opinion.

He didn’t leave that night and stayed overnight. When he went to take a shower, I went to the kitchen to drink water and found his phone on the coffee table. I couldn’t help taking a sneak peek. It turned out that it was sent by a person named Sarah on WhatsApp. Can’t see the back.

I am too familiar with this text message mode of reporting the itinerary. I think maybe he is dating someone. At that moment, all my questions seem to have their own results. It turns out that I may be just a spare tire. Just God gave me a chance to let me recognize the reality! I didn’t ask him, and it’s impossible to ask him. I think since everyone said that they don’t want to see each other in the future, let’s get together and break up.

By the way, he didn’t check his phone very often at my house that night, but maybe three or four times. He still has time to look at his phone a few times at my house, but it usually takes a long time to reply to my messages. The reason is self-evident.

The next morning when he got up to leave, I gave him the book “Rise of the horde” signed by the author that I bought at the Blizzard Carnival in the US before. The cover of the book was still his favorite Grom. He was surprised that I did this, so I said lightly: Anyway, I don’t want to take it away when I move in the future, I just leave it to you, as long as you don’t mind the author’s signature on it, it’s my name. He opened the first page of the book and read out my Chinese name. This was the first and last time he read it.

Continue to number 10

It was a really sad week or two after the breakup when I was always self-confident and began to doubt myself. It’s this time, I’m still recalling all the details before and concluded that he should like me, but why doesn’t he want to try with me? I am unwilling but helpless. (In fact, the person who really likes you will not let you have any chance to entangle whether he likes you or not. This point is applicable both at home and abroad. I understood this truth a long time ago, but once you lose love, nothing will work)

I read he’s just not that into you several times and told myself to give up fantasy and move on. I have to say that it has a bit of a therapeutic effect, and let’s temporarily give up the fantasy for a short time.

My friends all know about me, and they are also comforting me. They know that I am actually quite picky, but they are really curious about this No. 10. Where did I fall in love with him? Looking at the photo, isn’t he very ordinary?

My answer at the time was: I don’t know, chemistry, I just don’t feel the same way about him as other people do.
A friend asked: How do you feel?
A: I can’t describe it, I just want to see him every day, and I don’t want to have sex with him when I see him, I just want him to be well.
Friend: You can find another one if the forest is so big.
A: I will try my best.

I was really a bit decadent in that state at the time, and I didn’t realize that I was exaggerating to such an extent in class. I was obviously very busy during that time, but my emotions were still affected by the problems brought about by the 10th.

The weirdest thing is that I called my ex and cried a lot, and I said why the number 10 doesn’t like me! My ex patiently analyzed it with me on the phone for most of the day, and he also said that I was too impatient and wanted to control others at every turn. (Calling my ex is a stupid trick. Don’t imitate me. He said later that he was very upset, but he didn’t have the nerve to hang up the phone after seeing me so sad)

I also asked myself, what do you like about him?
I thought about it for a long time, and there is nothing I don’t like about him! Even though he was so cruel to me in the end. Sometimes you don’t need a special reason to like someone, is there a reason to make this love more firm and lasting? No matter how good your calculations are, you can’t keep up with God’s arrangements. It’s better to live in the present, with an attitude of being lucky and losing your life. If you want to love, you can love.

From this point of view, it is quite easy to find a reason for not liking someone, haha. Look at my comments on numbers 1-9 ahead, I could write a dissertation on why I don’t like them.

I asked myself again, do you think number 10 likes you, where did you know that?
When I was with him, his actions and eyes were not deceiving.

But these are just you imagining that he likes you. Does he actually like you in any way?
I can’t prove this, because we ended without starting, and he didn’t do anything to like me.
(Anyway, I have four serious love experiences, and I still know this.)

After self-diagnosis and treatment, I gradually became sober.
I continue to ask myself, then why are you stuck in it?
I think it should be a lack of love.
This may be related to the disharmony of my original family. Although my parents were not divorced, they had been arguing constantly since I was a child. I have never enjoyed the warmth of my family, so I went to another city to work hard at the age of 20 and then chose to go abroad.
I am strong and brave on the surface, but I still have insecurities in my heart. In terms of relationships, everyone hopes that the person they like will also like them.
People like me who lack love have two problems in love: 1. Can’t tell how much others like you. 2. Like to please each other.
About 1 is that others show me a little bit, and I will be grateful to Dade. For example, if someone just sends you a text message diligently to pick me up and go to get off work, I will feel that this person is working hard and will win me a lot of favor. The other party’s so-called cheap payment is not worth mentioning at all, but for those who lack love, it is easy to fall into it without knowing the degree!
About 2 is my various enthusiastic actions towards No. 10. I am in a state of licking the dog to the person I like. I will bite anyone who opposes me. I actually don’t understand now whether I push too much on number 10 and he doesn’t like me, or does he just not like me???

Continue to number 10

After that, I had no contact with No. 10, and I returned to the dating battlefield. I met a few times one after another. I will write later. I was not idle with the fireman, and I even felt that I had such simple sex with him. The relationship is pretty good.

But can I forget him from now on??
No! And it became more and more intense, the desire to possess him spiritually almost became an obsession.
But I am also restraining myself at this time, and I am not making fun of myself.

On Christmas Day 2019, I had a party at a friend’s house. On the same day, I received a blessing text message on the 10th. The text message also wrote my name to indicate that it was not sent in groups. I immediately screamed and was very excited.
My friends all know that I still miss him, and they also know that it is useless to persuade me, so they can only shake their heads and sigh. I held back for an hour before writing back to him: thank you too.
He sent another emoji back.

Now it seems that people just send a simple blessing text message and nothing else. But to me at the time, it was some kind of signal that I could act again. (The old aunt is acting affectionate again hahaha)

In the next few days, I am a little looking forward to whether he will send me a message. I had a great time gathering with my friends to watch the fireworks on New Year’s Eve, but I think it would be better to have him by my side during this transitional moment between the old and the new.

Thinking every day and dreaming at night, I have a long dream when I go home after the new year. In the dream, No. 10 has long silver hair wearing armor, and holding a sword to accompany me through the dark dungeon. That image is Like Geralt in The Witcher. When I woke up the next morning, the image was still engraved in my mind, when would I wait if I didn’t send him a message at this time??

Me: hey! Happy new year! I dreamed of you last night, you had long and gray hair haha.
Number 10: really? Haha. Like Witcher?
(I was surprised when I saw his reply. I just said long and gray hair and you know it is the image of Witcher. Then you probably have watched the first season recently. We still have the same hobby)
So then we chatted about the drama smoothly and I also shared the fireworks video with him, and he said he also watched it last night.
I couldn’t hold back at last, and I said: XX, I must have missed you so much that I dreamed of you.
He said: I miss you too, XX.
Me: Then let’s meet sometime.
Number 10: I’m happy to do that.

I didn’t learn from my experience and we made an appointment to meet again. Two hours before the appointment, I was let go because I received a call from his brother asking him to play an important game at night. The past reappeared, I felt aggrieved and had nowhere to vent, but I also said: It’s okay, I understand, fight hard to win them.
(Now it seems that maybe someone will be invited, and then I will be kicked as a spare tire)

Later he took the initiative to ask me out and said that he was very embarrassed about what happened last time. Most women probably wouldn’t be stupid at this time, but I still have obsessions, so I said yes.

Due to our frequent ambiguous text messages, on the first night before the date, I came out of the shower and suddenly had a flash of inspiration. I faintly felt that I should ask a very important question, so I sent it to number 10: Are you seeing someone at the moment?
Number 10: yes, I’m seeing a Singaporean girl. How about you?
Me: oh, really…I’m not seeing anyone. (A friend with benefits is not seeing anyone, right? Haha so I didn’t lie) how was your date going?
Number 10: yeah, it was pretty good. she is a very nice girl. (didn’t say much)
Me: so is it still going between you and her?
Number 10: yes, but just a bit slowly.
Me: sounds good. I’m happy for you (not at all, labor and management are angry, why are you seeing others provoke me, huh? No, you provoked him first)
Me: thanks for your honesty. I’m wondering if we can cancel this meeting? Because I think it’s not appropriate to meet you since you said you are pretty good with this girl. I really wish you can find someone who can make you happy 🙂
(I don’t think it’s a bad thing for him to see many girls at the same time. It’s his choice and I have no right to interfere. But I like him so much, I can’t accept that I’m just a spare tire for him. If I change someone else I feel like it doesn’t matter)

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *