In the information age, the meeting between boys and girls is no longer limited to the introduction of parents, gatherings of friends, and the words of matchmakers. More boys and girls rely on social media to meet each other.
Tinder, Soul, Bumble, Momo, Tantan, Jimu, self-help platforms for single youths, etc. These apps or official accounts for dating and making friends have intertwined the emotional exchanges of hundreds of millions of lonely men and widows.
Therefore, you will find that many boys and girls may have been chatting in full swing in the chat bar before they met for the first time. They seem to be familiar with each other through the mobile phone screen, but once offline, the boys repeatedly Overturned.
I like to call the first meeting of boys and girls dating, not dating.
Dating is a foreign vocabulary, which refers to a stage between ordinary friends and boyfriend and girlfriend, that is, the stage of transition from ordinary friends to boyfriend and girlfriend, it is the early stage of formal communication, and it is based on the mutual attraction of two people, a date for some time, and decide the length of time according to the situation of the date, and whether it is suitable for formal communication.
Dating, on the other hand, seems somewhat formal. It is a series of interactions aimed at promoting the development of the relationship between men and women. During this period, there are actions such as shopping, watching movies, and giving gifts to each other, which is closer to love.
Whether it’s dating or dating, the things you do together may be similar, but the starting point is different. Dating is a kind of meeting that makes both parties less psychologically burdened.
The first time I heard about dating was four or five years ago when a beautiful girl with short hair told me about it.
I think you know that when a boy is in front of a girl, especially a girl who is a year or two older than you and has a little experience in the world when you always pretend that the two are already in a relationship, you unconsciously express to the other party that you want to be more romantic. When she took further actions and manners, and silently rejoiced at her concealment and clever tricks girls could see it.
Yau Ma and I walked on Lefeng Square Avenue, talking freely, but obviously, she saw that I was embarrassed and overexpressed.
Yau Ma stopped suddenly, turned his head, and said to me who was half a body behind:
“Have you ever heard of dating?”
I shake my head.
“Dating is a form of dating for foreigners. Before they officially become boyfriend and girlfriend, they will test each other. They can go to eat, go shopping, watch movies, and even have sex. Wave your hand and say goodbye, so that everyone’s heart will not be so burdened. Don’t treat the two of us as a date, as a date, so that you can relax and we can be happy.”
Yau Ma and I were in the dating stage at the time, but at that time I had no concept of this term, I was always poking around, taking one step forward and one step back, looking back now, it was really funny.
Over the years, I often met girls for the first time with a dating mentality. Some of them had a good conversation, and some had a so-so conversation. I also made some mistakes in the middle, and of course, there may be some in the future.
When I drank a large Americano last month, I suddenly wanted to write about this topic (yes, I often drink coffee as if I have a creative desire), so I immediately asked my female friends on WeChat, I sent them the same sentence:
“Writing and interviewing: What do you think boys should pay attention to when dating girls~”
Most of the girls are delicate-minded, not as careless as I asked. They will ask you exactly what kind of state they met before answering your question.
I added a sentence:
“It was the first time we met, chatted on social platforms for a while, or met friends at a party.”
I interviewed 28 girls, of course, not all of them responded to me, some are indeed busy with work haha.
There are about 22 people who replied to me, some replies were short, some replies were detailed, and of course, there were some “bad replies”.
for example:
Ha ha ha ha!
Finally, let’s get down to business. In their sincere answers and self-examination, I have summarized the following points, but I have something to say first. I am not a dating expert, and I don’t want to be tireless here. All the answers come from experience related to the life process.
Top 1: Be yourself sincerely
How to judge whether skinship is possible in dating may bother some boys.
There has never been a constant standard on this point.
Boys can get signals by observing.
For example, when two people are eating, will the girl’s feet be extended towards you, and whether her eyes are always focused on you; when two people are walking, will the girl be closer to your body; when two people are crossing the road, When you take the initiative to hold her arm, will she accept it and feel at ease?
Of course, even if all the above are met, it does not necessarily mean that she is willing to have a skinship with you. Girls’ emotions are always sensitive and dynamic. I don’t want to.
But at the same time, if girls are interested in you, they will be more proactive than you think, and will blatantly give you a chance.
You can take the initiative to test and ask, or you can accept it silently, but if the signal is a green light, stop talking.
To borrow a line from my little airport:
“Because if you tell it, you will lose your attractiveness and all the cuteness you imagined.”
In short, everything must respect the girl’s wishes, as long as the girl expresses her unwillingness, she must let go immediately and don’t get entangled.
As for the further social distance after dating, K said it very well.
“Being a gentleman at the beginning may give girls a better experience. For example, I will tell girls in advance, “If I do something that makes you feel uncomfortable, you must tell me in time”, and take the initiative to help girls organize their underwear and necklaces before starting. Putting everything aside, from a girl’s point of view, I think this guy can handle it.”
Regarding this aspect, if speaking from a boy’s point of view, I can add one more point that you need to wear a condom.
If in your judgment, after dating, both parties are likely to voluntarily enter the next stage, prepare condoms in advance to ensure the safety of both parties and avoid huge embarrassment.
In the adult world, there are often many accidents, but don’t let accidents that shouldn’t happen, it’s good for everyone.
Top 3: Can chat
I finally reached the last point of “chatting”, and I might throw up if I write it down (because I drank a lot of coffee), but this last point is also the most important. If this point is not well grasped, most girls will throw up ( slot).
How important it is to be able to chat, they said this:
From the replies of the previous girls, I believe everyone can strongly feel how bad a boy who speaks inappropriately will give girls.
Regarding communicating with girls, I wrote a point of view a long time ago:
“One of the things that many men are confused about is to understand a woman. I think the most basic way is that you have to learn to listen, don’t refute, don’t give advice, don’t give help immediately, what you have to do is to listen to what she has to say first. It’s fine when they finish talking, men can mostly keep silent, but women can’t, women have to express themselves, they suffer all kinds of pain every day and every month, at work, at home, They need a way to vent. Chatting is a good way for them to express their inner depression, but of course, if you can listen to them in a very nice manner, your favorability in their eyes will increase. If you can give them some more The desired response is the icing on the cake, but you have to do the first step and learn to listen.”
When chatting with a girl, the most important thing is to first judge the chat status of the date. If she is a talkative type, listen more and talk less. If she is a balanced type or a reserved type, find more common topics.
Topics are easy to find, you can look at the other person’s circle of friends, or remember the things the other person mentioned before meeting and chatting, you can talk about relationships, work, friends, interesting things in life, etc.
You can talk about any topic, depending on the depth of the conversation, but when it comes to personal privacy, don’t mention it.
But how to chat?
It’s still top 1 as I said before, be yourself sincerely.
Regarding this point, I have not interviewed other boys, so I will briefly talk about my chat style.
Generally, I listen and observe first, perceive the other person’s personality and preferences, and then find topics to talk about together. Because of my natural sensitivity and habit of writing often, I can often observe the other person’s expressiveness. Emotions and states, and empathize with them.
“Empathy” is very important. Only when both parties are on the same frequency can dialogue proceed. To put it simply, if the other person is sad, you should not be very happy. This is not accommodating, but understanding. We must first be in the same context with her, instead of blindly singing the opposite tune.
I hate talking about big principles and pretending to be social. I never talk about “big things”, I only talk about “little things”.
The reason why I like “little things” is that people can find each person’s point of view and characteristics in the communication of very small events, and this is the key to discovering whether they fit with each other.
The chat should be back and forth, not one-sided, so when I start a topic, I will not talk about it endlessly. After the topic is concisely thrown out, wait for the other party to fully express it, and then talk about similar experiences.
I usually look into the other person’s eyes when they’re talking, (or at the table or side if it offends them), tilt my ear, and say “hmmm” in response every few words.
One point that many girls will express is, “Don’t tell dirty jokes.”
Regarding this point, I agree with it 100% first, because many boys can’t speak well, and it’s easy to speak vulgarly and vulgarly, so if you can’t speak, don’t speak.
But as far as I am concerned, it is still about being true to yourself, because my chatting style is that of no taboo, I will talk about it, but not necessarily at the first meeting, it will depend on the relationship between the two people and the occasion to decide.
Some girls talk dirty with female friends in private, which is more exaggerated than you think. They will not talk about it in public. On the one hand, they also take into account their personal image and social courtesy.
Telling pornographic jokes is a very skill-based thing. If you can tell pornography without sex, and it is exquisite no one is unwilling to listen to it. Just like whispering, the more private the topic, the more you can pull it off. Close to the distance between two people.
But it still comes back to that point, respect for women, it is best not to talk about it.
In the chat, if you want to express your point of view, you should completely follow your expression, and you can express it differently from the other party, but don’t have extreme thoughts and male dominance.
If you want to tell an interesting story, if you often watch movies and books, you can use scripting techniques, such as throwing some very attractive plot points first to make the other party curious, and then tell the story from the beginning. You can also bury clues in the middle, and at the end Then reveal the reversal. But such chatting skills are very complicated, and I think it can be concise.
Before I knew it, I had already written more than 5,000 words and such topics would always be talked about and talked about endlessly.
Finally, there may be a very cruel sentence to say, that is——
Even if you follow the above dating dos and don’ts, you won’t necessarily have a good relationship.
People are like this, they have heard a lot of truths, but they still have a bad life.
There is a possibility that everything will fail. Only by keeping good expectations can we do something well.
Finally, as usual, I still want to give some blessings to the readers who see the end.
Tonight is so precious, I wish you all a good date and a favorite lover.
I originally wanted to put the clean appearance mentioned by many people first. After all, people are visual animals, but after thinking about it, I still feel that the most important thing to tell myself before the meeting is——
sincere.
What is sincerity?
You can say it is sincere, or you can say it is pure and honest, but the most direct thing is to be yourself, be yourself.
No matter who we meet, we don’t want the other person to wear a false mask.
Being yourself does not mean that you are a lazy, slippery, and rude person, just show it in front of the other party, but it means showing your characteristics and advantages as authentically as possible.
If you are a lively and cheerful person, don’t pretend to be twitchy in front of others. If you are a person who puts your feet up when you’re happy to drink, don’t maintain an upright posture during military training. You are not a person who is good at words, so don’t open the topic and point fingers.
You just need to be your true self. You have to know that all the pretense at the beginning will be automatically removed as the relationship progresses, so why not let the other party know who you are from the beginning?
We don’t have to dress up as the perfect date in the eyes of the other party or the public, we just have to show our complete and real appearance and wait for the people who match us to match each other.
There will always be a girl who will be attracted to your honest and honest appearance, if the one you are dating is not interested, let’s be the next one, we don’t have to be tied together.
As the last picture said, “If you can play together, you will naturally play together. If you can’t, then you can’t.”
In the world’s ever-repeating amusement park, we can always find companions.
Top 2: Social Courtesy
Regarding appearance, girls have a lot to say:
Clothes are clean, shoes are clean, the face is clean…
Girls never ask each other to wear gold and silver, elegant and luxurious, and clean is enough.
Cleanliness is the most basic and important courtesy.
But as top1 said, be yourself sincerely, so if you like to wear rings, necklaces, floral shirts, and comb your hair for a long time, you don’t need to change it deliberately, and girls will like this
one.
Other social courtesy includes but is not limited to:
choose a date
Not too far away, preferably in the middle of the two, not too noisy.
It’s just a very preliminary meeting. You can propose to meet in a coffee shop, or buy a coffee and take a walk. Only when we take a walk can we chat?
For a dinner party, I would suggest an izakaya. Japanese food restaurants are more smoky, but not too quiet, and the better ones generally require reservations. Be prepared to line up in advance, so that you can show that you value each other more.
In addition, it is really important not to be late. If you have to be late for something, please tell me the estimated time of arrival in advance. While the other party is waiting, keep chatting, so that she does not feel that she is waiting alone. state.
For drinking, I would recommend a clear bar, which is also convenient for chatting. It can be craft brewing or bartending. Girls generally don’t choose alcohol with too much alcohol to avoid losing their composure. Also, boys, please be careful not to persuade them to drink, and do what you can. Don’t get drunk first, and ask the other party to send you home. It’s embarrassing.
By the way, it is very important that no matter whether the waiter helps to order or pour water, etc., please be sure to say “thank you”.
Take the initiative to pick up
If possible, pick up and drop off by car. If not, you can make an appointment to meet at the exit of the subway station. Having a chat for 5-10 minutes before arriving at the eating place will also relieve the tension. You can also make an appointment to meet at the eating place directly. It is best to order in advance and wait at the door.
Sending the girls back is also what the last screenshot said. Take the initiative to ask if you want to send the girls home. Just ask once. The other party said that when you get home, you have to tell yourself, and when you get home, you have to tell the other party.
Take the initiative to pay the bill
For the first date, try not to choose a place that is too expensive, of course, you are very rich. Because places are too expensive, girls will also have a psychological burden.
In terms of paying the bill, if the price is not expensive, a boy should offer to pay the bill for the first time. If there are coupons on Dianping, etc., don’t be shy and use them as you need them.
I usually take the initiative to pay the bill. If a girl proposes AA (in fact, it is a social courtesy for a girl to propose AA, regardless of whether the other party agrees or not), either respect the girl’s AA or say that it is your turn to ask for it next time. Or invite you to drink water, and give everyone one more chance. Of course, if you feel that you have no chance to meet next time, it is not a very shameful thing for a boy to propose AA. If you care about it, just bring it up.
Of course, apart from the above points, there are many, many more, and the ones that can be highlighted are——
Social distancing
Some female friends’ suggestions for skin-to-skin contact in dating are:
Of course, this is still relatively basic, and some “scales” are here: