I have been lurking in the group for many years, and I have also posted a few posts. After experiencing countless dates, lz finally found the person who can let me delete dating apps. Looking back on the two years since I came to Sweden Dates, I feel like posting a summary of my mental journey?
From 2019 to the beginning of 21, lz used the dating app to meet more than 20 people. The number of people who chatted and didn’t meet was maybe three or four times. Among them, there are four Asian boys, and the rest are all white men (Denmark, Sweden, Germany, etc.). I did a little statistic myself, among so many people, 3 have met more than 4 times, 2 have an ex issue, are very confused emotionally, and failed to develop into boyfriend and girlfriend, more like a fling. The number of meetings with other people is limited to 4 times, that is to say, no matter how far you go, as long as you don’t continue to meet the 5th time, you will stop at the 4th time~ Let’s briefly summarize my dating stage and feelings.
2019.9-2020.6
The first date I met in the past six months was a fling, a Danish boy with a good-looking appearance, but the fck boy’s behavior was too obvious, which made me feel very disrespected. At the end of 2019 broke up.
After that, I met new people intermittently. Before the summer, I met a Swedish boy. Because of his good character and personality, I had the illusion of “although I didn’t call him that much, I think he is a good candidate for a boyfriend”. , but ignored the fact that the other party wanted to “play casually” because he had just broken up with his girlfriend who had been dating for five years. In this way, the summer has entered extremely tiring.
2020 summer
I spent three months of sunny summer in Copenhagen. I rested and adjusted for a few weeks after being exhausted, and then devoted myself to the next period of dating?I also got to know the city well through dating.
In the past few months, I met the second fling, a Danish boy. This time, his face and personality are not very attractive to me, but because the other party is very interested in me and I lack a partner, The two got along for a while. But because the other party couldn’t forget his ex, and I was very confused and didn’t plan to enter a relationship, some unpleasant things happened later, and we broke up completely after Christmas.
When I met this boy, I was also hurt by another Danish boy. If you have read my post last year, you should have an impression. In short, the first two dates were perfect, and the second time He also kissed me when we met, but a few days later he sent a small composition to reject me. Because he played cards without mental preparation and uneasy common sense, lz was hit hard. . . It took several months to get out of the psychological shadow. . . The practice has proved that the first few times of dating before the two parties have figured out the true meaning of the other party, they still have to hold back and don’t take it lightly and accidentally fall into it.
2020.9-Christmas
At this stage, I used the dating app to meet people less often, mainly because I met a South American boy who grew up in Sweden in reality, and it was also a relationship without commitment. I originally thought that the people I met, in reality, would not All be the same, it turned out I was too naive. . .
In this relationship, I fell into it a little bit. Later, his fck boy behavior became more and more obvious, but my emotions were hung by him, and I couldn’t shake it off… At Christmas, to reduce my attention to him, I froze my IG account and deleted the mobile apps of fb and Messenger. One month later, I felt that I had almost recovered from my self-detoxification, and I contacted him again. Although his attitude towards me improved after that, he was still very disrespectful. By that time, I was completely disappointed, and then Blocked him without hesitation, and made him disappear from my life cleanly.
2021.1-3
After experiencing physical and mental exhaustion, I am completely disappointed in dating. Whether the other person is from the software or the circle of friends, I can never meet a reliable person who is willing to establish a stable relationship.
In addition, I have a Chinese friend who met a boy who was super serious with her when she first dated on Tinder with a playful mentality. The two were sweet for four months, and the boy took him to meet his friends After the circle, the other party suddenly told her one day that she could not fall in love with him, nor would she ever fall in love with him, so there was no need to see him again. The friend was stunned by everything that happened so suddenly, and the unsuspecting withdrawal gave her a big blow. After summarizing my own experience and that of others, I discovered a hidden cultural phenomenon.
If you ask the other person: Do you believe that love can be cultivated? Nordic white men (hard to say in other countries) will shake their heads nine times out of ten. They don’t believe that liking can turn into love. Love happens/met by chance, but it never develops; Most of them will answer yes, they believe that true love comes from long-term companionship and deep understanding. (Sisters in the group can also take a good look at this question, which can make a big difference in whether you and your date will get together.)
So, at the beginning of the new year, I became super invincible and passive to the dating app. Although I downloaded a new one and used it (after all, I still long for a reliable relationship), I couldn’t use it at all! I used to despise the kind of people who disappear ghosting while chatting, but I also became this kind of person during that time. Anyway, disappearing in the online world doesn’t cost money? But only when the other party chats with me seriously, I will Be serious about reciprocating courtesy. In addition, after I realized the reality that I couldn’t hold the Nordic white men who were unrestrained and hated commitment, I completely kept them at a respectful distance from the bottom of my heart. Therefore, the next three dates are all Asian.
The first person I met in 2021 was a Chinese who grew up in Sweden. Although he also broke up with his ex a few months ago and came to find another partner, he is completely different from the white man looking for a rebound. He Takes me very seriously, even a little. . . He was too serious, and when we had only met three times, he mentioned me to his mother and also talked with me about my plan for half a year later. It was a bit ridiculous, and I added some inexplicable remarks, so I met the fourth time. After the interview, I drew a clear line with him. After thinking about it carefully, I felt that he just wanted to find a girlfriend. As for who it was, it didn’t matter.
I met my current bf after him, hehe~ I will write about him later, after meeting my bf two or three times, I also drank coffee with another boy who grew up in Germany Korean descent. The Korean brother is also very sincere. Every time he sends a message, it is a small composition. I am so embarrassed that I can only continue to chat with him. During the chat, I discovered that he was a friend of a friend of mine in reality. The process of discovery was like this——
The Korean boy said that he would go on a short trip with his friends in the suburbs on weekends. When he came back, I asked him how tall he was (I don’t look very tall), and he sent a photo with his friends in front of the ruler pia, I took a closer look, isn’t this Anzhu! I was shocked!
The Korean boy said with a smile, yes, he went to play with Anzhu.
I immediately sent a message to ask Anzhu, and Anzhu’s description was like this: He talked about this girl he met on Bumble all the way, and finally, he showed me the photo, what the hell is this you?! I was shocked!
This Korean guy is very gentle and shy, and told me innocently before we met that this is his first time using a dating app, which made me feel like I can’t hurt children. . . On the day of the meeting, he was dressed as a super gentleman, dress up, although he was only 175, he was gentle and elegant, very seductive. A few days after drinking coffee, my bf and I were going very well, so we sent a message to explain the situation to him. But unexpectedly, a few weeks later, Anzhu contacted me and said that a mutual friend of ours gave me a gift.
I didn’t expect him to be a Korean brother, how could someone give gifts to him after being issued a good person card once on a date? The gift was an environmental protection bag from the coffee shop. When we went to drink coffee, I pointed to the window and told him that it was very beautiful, but it was too expensive and I couldn’t bear to buy it. The listener was interested, and he bought it for me. It was very impressive. move.
——The following is the dividing line about dating app Liu Yinhua Mingyou Yicun meeting her current boyfriend——
My current boyfriend is from a certain country in Southeast Asia. I thought the photos were so cute and I took the initiative to chat with him. At that time, his reply to the chat was also very serious, so I continued to chat with him back and forth.
The first time we met was at a Chinese restaurant for lunch. He was studying for a Ph.D. at school, and we met during lunchtime. It took more than an hour, and it wouldn’t take too long. The first impression is that the real person is more handsome than the photo, haha. He was very talkative, and we chatted very warmly and happily. After the end, the big accounts were exchanged, and a second appointment was made about a week later. The second time I had dinner, went for a walk in the park, took pictures, and went back to my own home after the end. I didn’t wear a mask, so he took out a brand-new one for me. I sat on the bus and watched him watch me off on the platform, and my heart felt a little warm. Some people may leave directly after seeing you get in the car, but he has been watching me to see me leave before leaving.
In this way, we continued to meet in an orderly manner. In the beginning, the frequency was once a week. After a month, I wanted to advance the relationship, so I asked him if he wanted exclusive, but his reaction at the time was no (?!), I was very disappointed, but after a while After a while he said again, call my girlfriend from now on. Later I also asked him, why he disagrees with exclusive but is willing to fall in love, isn’t the sequence step by step? He explained to me that he doesn’t like the traditional concept of one person being tied to another person. Although he didn’t think about an open relationship, he just doesn’t like the concept of exclusive; as for entering a relationship, that’s not questionable.
He was in a relationship for the first time, after we established a relationship, he would take the initiative to introduce his friends to me, tell his parents that he was in love, etc. We have always played very well, and rarely had any troubles. What’s more, I later found out that his family is super prominent. His grandfather is a senior official in his country, and his family runs many hotels. But even though he came from a wealthy class, bf is still very low-key, down-to-earth, and has a very good personality; although he has a Ph.D. in physics, he is not nerdy at all, very talkative, and good at socializing.
The above is my dating journey in the past two years. Dating is very similar to looking for a job. I want to be a Neptune to expand my goals, but I also need to clarify my goals. If the water is three thousand, I will only drink one scoop. During this process, there will be many setbacks and rejections, and sometimes I will doubt myself. Is it because I am not good enough that others look down on me? But timing is really important! Also, calm down. Some sisters in the comments downstairs said that if you want to make yourself a female sea queen who doesn’t wander off, it still depends on your values and choices. I think that if you make it clear that what you want is a stable relationship, even if you do fck in order not to get hurt Girl, you will still feel empty and unsatisfied after a while; if you are not interested in love, you just want to have fun in time, but it doesn’t matter. The most important thing is not to lie to yourself about how you feel, and go for what you want. I also wrote some tips and experiences about using the dating app in one of my diaries, welcome friends to read~