In the United States, you have eaten together a hundred times and slept together fifty times, and you may not be firmly seated as the boyfriend (girl) friend.

Before I came to the United States, I didn’t know anything about dating culture.

One day, Eunhwa said suddenly. “What dating culture?! Isn’t it just a culture (culture) that sleeps everywhere and doesn’t have to be responsible!” I replied disdainfully.

Yes, those of us who came to the United States from third-world countries to learn “advanced culture”, how could we have imagined that in this so-called civilized, democratic, and prosperous society, there are such big poisonous weeds as dating culture?

Dating, how do you say it in Chinese? “Dating” is the most appropriate word. However, the importance, frequency of use, and clarity of the meaning of “dating” in the Chinese context are far less than that of “dating” in the English context.

For example, in China, we may ask people: “Do you have a boyfriend (girlfriend)?” But we generally don’t ask people “Have you been dating anyone recently?” In fact,

This sentence sounds so awkward in Chinese, it is almost like a sick sentence. But in America, it’s so normal and so fluent to ask someone “Are you dating someone?”

Of course, this difference is not just a difference in words, but a difference in culture.

In China, when two people fall in love, they are in love. If they don’t talk, they don’t talk. There is no ambiguity. In the English-speaking world, the word dating is precisely used to describe the ambiguity between two people.

When a person announces that they are dating someone, they are announcing: I have slept with this person (or I will have sex with this person soon), but she (he) is not my girlfriend (boyfriend).

People who have watched “Sex and the City” (Sex and the City) may have the impression that in one episode, Mr. Big introduced Carrie to others and said “This is my girlfriend” (this is my girlfriend), which moved Carrie badly.

At that time, they had been dating for a long time, that is, they had slept together for a long time, but Big never used the word “girlfriend” to describe Carrie, and once a man stopped using “date” and used “girlfriend” to refer to a Woman, at this time, her status will be considered upgraded, and her top position will be considered secure.

The emergence of dating culture can be said to be an acknowledgment of the objective reality that people’s physical desires and spiritual attachments are out of proportion.

The development of the physical relationship between two people can be as fast as cooking in a rice cooker, but the development of the relationship between two people is often as slow as cooking soup in a casserole. What should I do? Dating chant.

Quick intimacy, quick sex, and quick breakup are the main landscapes in dating culture.

This matter, when you think about it carefully, is quite frustrating—the popularity of dating culture, in a sense, means that human beings have admitted their double incompetence: incompetence in resisting desires; incompetence in cultivating feelings.

People who admit this double incompetence turn around and devote themselves to the casual dating life.

ABCDEFG… Appeared one by one and disappeared one by one. After all, the last time you go to bed, you only need a little hormone, but to love someone, you need passion, perseverance, will, strength, and other lorry things, and human beings are always such an animal that avoids important.

In “Sex and the City”, Miranda admitted that she had slept with 42 men, and in “Four Weddings and a Funeral”, Carrie also admitted that she had slept with more than 30 men.

And Miranda and Carrie don’t seem to fit our legendary “broken shoes” image. On the contrary, they are amiable, positive, and smart, and they seem to be no different from those cute “girls next door” in China.

The only difference is that they grew up in this dating culture. A broken shoe in our culture can be a princess in another culture.

Basically in China, at least a few years ago, there was no dating culture, but a “finding a partner culture” – from the first time two people held hands, the theme of marriage came to the fore.

From childhood to adulthood, how many movies and TV novels we have watched, how many resentful women in them, because they slept with a certain man, cried and grabbed the other man’s collar to make him “responsible” for her, and even sent them to her from time to time. My brother, my brother-in-law, etc. went to beat others and beat them until their noses were bleeding and their teeth were all over the floor.

There is no dating culture, only “finding a partner culture”. Of course, it does not mean that we Chinese are more capable than Westerners in resisting desire and cultivating feelings, so we can go beyond dating culture and stride into the temple of love.

The “object-finding culture” is nothing more than a denial of the objective reality that people’s physical desires and spiritual attachments develop out of proportion.

It is obvious that the development of physical desire and spiritual attachment is out of proportion, and if you have to do “synchronous development”, the result is: since you have sex, then get married, since you are married, then make do with it, and now that your family makes do with it, then I Just go out and find a prostitute or have an affair.

If it is said that dating culture leads to numbness after looking at flowers on horseback, then the culture of “finding a partner” often leads to numbness after getting stuck in the quagmire. It’s just that the way of death is different, everyone is mutual, and no one can sympathize with others.

Of course, my pessimistic attitude may be purely anti-social and anti-human symptoms after repeated defeats in the love field.

We can also say that people in the dating culture enjoy the kind of fleeting happiness very much, while people in the object-finding culture enjoy the kind of happiness that flows slowly. Light or heavy, but all joy.

An American friend asked me that day: “Are you dating someone?” (Are you dating anyone?)

I said, “I have failed so many times that I decide to go on a love strike.”

Translated into Chinese, that is to say, after n failed attempts at love, I fucking decided to strike in love.

It is not difficult to strike, the problem is, who cares about you? God is too busy to compete with you. However, I have an unfounded theory, and I firmly believe in it: the total amount of a person’s emotions is limited, if you use it up piecemeal when you need a large amount of expenditure, your account will be exhausted. Already empty.

So I decided to go on a date strike, and I didn’t feel angry. It’s just that I want to save all my feelings and leave them to my most beloved person.

There was not much left of it, and I had to live frugally, plan carefully, and be prepared for danger in times of peace. This matter has nothing to do with God, it is an agreement between me and my “him” who has not yet appeared, may never appear, and whether he appears or not is not that important.