More and more young people believe that love does not necessarily have to be for marriage, and that simply enjoying the fun of being in love is the meaning of being in love.
Of course, there are many states of being in love. There can be all sorts of other things besides explicit, one-on-one boyfriend-girlfriend relationships. As long as it is based on the voluntary knowledge of two adults, there is no problem.
The author of today’s article, Darling O’Neil, introduced us to Westerners’ views on love and dating culture.
There is a classic line in a relatively large-scale German movie “Fucking Berlin”:
Man kann sich nur lieben , wenn man sich kennt.
People can only love a person who has understood.
Although the film is an exaggerated art form, film art originates from life, and the film does reflect the open attitude of some European young people to love.
Speaking of this, we have to talk about Western dating culture.
Dating in the West varies from person to person, depending on age, gender, religious background, living environment, family education, and opinions.
From my personal experience, what I have seen and heard, I will briefly answer four questions, as a little supplement to understand Western Dating culture.
- Is there anyone who likes Sister Feng abroad?
meeting. Because of Western aesthetics, it is more diversified.
Someone once did a test on the streets of the United States, and many black brothers thought that Sister Feng was very sexy.
With the influx of Hollywood movies, domestic aesthetics are gradually being Europeanized. While many boys favor Internet celebrity faces, more and more Asian girls are particularly fond of blue-eyed and blond-haired long-legged boys.
I am a girl with a height of less than 1.6 meters, single eyelids, and only A breasts. When I was in high school, the boy I liked was having an affair with my classmate Hua. In high school, 75% of the boys in every class liked the same girl.
Boys always hate me: if your eyes are bigger, if you are taller, if your figure is more attractive, we will be together.
For three years in high school, I was immersed in a deep inferiority complex.
Later, when I dated a British boyfriend, I asked him if my single eyelids were too small.
He looked me straight in the eyes and said: I will get lost in your eyes. This was his only sweet word.
In foreign countries, except for those from Japan and South Korea, foreigners with single eyelids are rare.
I asked: Should I go for breast augmentation? The foreign boyfriend said with a look of disgust:
“Why breast augmentation? Natural is the best. If you go for breast augmentation, you might as well stuff two balloons in your underwear.”
I was embarrassed for a moment, but looking around, it was summer, and indeed there were quite a few flat-chested Western girls wearing camisole tops.
Just like Boss Huang’s “Shape of you” MV, the heroine is a boxing black-skinned girl with slender eyes and a muscular body. This is not a mainstream beauty in China.
In the German class, there were three dark-skinned students in the class, a Kenyan girl, an African-American, and a West African man, all of whom were married to German men or women.
African guy, in the circle of white girls, is quite popular.
In the West, no matter what skin color you are, Gao Yuanyuan, Sister Feng, gay, single mother, or transgender, there will be people who like you.
At the beginning of deciding to start a relationship, it is more about a confident personality and consistent three views.
Good-looking skin and an interesting soul, if you choose one, the latter is more popular in the West.
- In the West, is puppy love normal?
In the movie “Heartbeat”, holding hands and fall in love under the eyes of their parents. Puppy love is very common in the West.
Contrary to the resolute resistance of Asian parents to “puppy love”, most European parents are relatively open to their children’s view of love. Sex education is relatively early. Basically, in middle school, they can already “puppy love” in a fair manner.
Dating in the West is a period of mutual understanding between the two parties from ordinary boyfriend and girlfriend to formal boyfriend and girlfriend.
In this Dating session, apart from eating together and watching movies, there is another item that is very different from domestic ones: sleeping together.
The average age of the Germans for the first time is 15 years old, and the average age of the Chinese for the first time is 22 years old.
The late sex education in China, coupled with the high school life that severely cracked down on puppy love, made the teenagers in the blooming season go to the university far away from their parents, galloping like wild horses.
Being in love, like sex, is something that takes time and practice.
Most Western boys take this compulsory course earlier than Asian boys, so when they are in a relationship, Western boys will better understand girls’ careful thoughts, and they will be more confident and pleasing when getting along.
If the three views are not in harmony, but it is only because of sex, they still have to get together forcefully, they don’t understand.
There is a Chinese girlfriend who has always been very conservative. Her Chinese boyfriend made several sexual requests, but she always refused.
Later, in the WeChat chat history, I caught the information about my boyfriend’s dating and immediately broke up with a bang.
In the West, if the woman holds a conservative view, it will be put on the table at the beginning of Dating. If the man does not accept it, the two will not become boyfriend and girlfriend.
It’s also about sleeping. Western girls will also “try to sleep” with boys when they are dating.
But compared to Asian girls, they have already started to experience sex life in middle school. They are more aware of their own physical and emotional needs.
Let’s talk about a virgin complex here. Western boys have an attitude of raising their hands and surrendering to virgins.
I once asked a German boy, did he mind if his wife was not a virgin when he got married.
His answer was: No, I don’t want to hold hands, I have to teach her like teaching a child!
- When dating, do you need AA?
It varies from person to person, but AA is indeed more popular.
Most Europeans and Americans are in the dating stage. When they first meet, the boys will pay the bills gentlemanly, but when the relationship between the two is stable, the woman will take the initiative to bear half of the bills.
When giving gifts, Western couples will use their brains to create some romance and surprises for each other, make some gifts, write cards, and seldom send large amounts of WeChat red envelopes directly, and send brand-name bags.
Xiaobao, a Chinese girl studying in Germany, said that she and her German boyfriend of two and a half years. They live together, all the bills will be shared equally, and the two will get AA when they go to the supermarket to buy things.
She had several Chinese boyfriends before, and they were very generous when they were dating, but they were not straightforward when they broke up. The man would even argue with her for a breakup fee, and there was more than one.
In the end, she learned to accept AA from the beginning of the relationship. She thinks this kind of relationship is more pure.
Asian girl said: I love my boyfriend because he is good to me.
Here it refers to “he is kind to me”, which may be: when I am sad, he takes me to eat delicious food, and on my birthday, he gives gifts and red envelopes.
“If a man loves you, he should invest money in you”, this is a fallacy in the West.
A European girlfriend said: “When dating, my boyfriend pays the bill directly, and I will be angry. I have my financial ability, and I don’t need others to pay for me.”
We always think that the West is very open, but in fact, they are also very cautious about the relationship between male and female friends. Emotions and economics, will not be confused together.
At the Western Dating dinner table, Western couples will not directly ask about salary, whether they have a car or their family situation. They prefer to talk about living in a foreign country, their adventures when they were young, how many languages they know, vegetarianism, keeping cats and dogs, and even politics. Such topics.
In the West, boys who travel the world poorly and have stories are more popular than boys who are dull and silent and only pay the bill.
While enjoying that Western men respect women more, women must of course bear corresponding financial responsibilities.
In a successful transnational relationship, the woman generally has a strong ability to be independent, no matter in character or the economy.
- Do Westerners not aim at marriage when they fall in love?
Of course, some couples make up to start a family, but basically, most of the love affairs of young Westerners are not for marriage.
In European and American countries, many married couples start as friends with benefits.
A German couple who have been married for 8 years generously shared their love story with me.
When a wife and husband first met, one had just ended a relationship and the other was still struggling in a dull relationship, both of them were just looking for fun.
This relationship lasted for half a year. The woman offered it, and she became tempted.
She said: “If you want to continue the relationship and not go into the boyfriend-girlfriend segment, then end the relationship.”
After serious consideration, the man decided to give it a try, and it took him 13 years to try.
After they became official boyfriends and girlfriends, they still lived apart for 2 years. They had their first child 4 years later, but they were not in a hurry to get a marriage certificate. After the child was one and a half years old, the two went to get a marriage certificate.
But the man’s elder brother, who is 10 years older than him and is now the father of two children, claimed that the mother of the child is a girlfriend, and the two lived together without a marriage certificate.
In Western Dating, the beginning is very straightforward, the boundaries of the process are very blurred, and the end is very open.
The time of Dating can be a few weeks or a few years, and finally, it is time to confirm the relationship: Exclusive (exclusive, exclusive.)
At this time, the dating is over, and the formal relationship between boyfriend and girlfriend begins. Becoming a boyfriend and girlfriend does not mean that there will be plans to get married in the future.
There is a European girl who has been in love with her boyfriend for 10 years because the man wanted to get married, but she refused and broke up.
Young people in the West think that love for marriage is a kind of “scheming”, which is not pure at all.
Even after marriage, most women still have to share financial responsibilities. Few women “enjoy happiness” after marriage. After marriage, the pressure is even greater.
If some young people think that they have learned Western sexual openness from American dramas and can speak English well, they think they have learned Western Dating, but this is not enough.
Falling in love among Westerners is like applying to study at a foreign university. It is not difficult to get in, but difficult to graduate.
epilogue
A girl once asked a question on a certain website, wanting to learn more about Western dating culture, which attracted attacks from many keyboard warriors.
A netizen replied to the screen full of abuse: The biggest difference between China and the West is tolerance for diversity and respect for free choice.
The point of view advocated by Westerners is: your love can be conservative or open. No one can stand on a moral high ground and criticize those who hold different views from themselves.
No matter who you are in love with, if the person is happy, others have no right to judge and make rash comments.
Openness and pluralism are the process of progress in the world, accept it or not, the fact is there.
But one can only love one who understands.
Before loving someone, you should first understand his/her world.