Do you and your partner fight a lot?
Do you feel like you can’t get through the day without the other person questioning your motives? If so, then lack of trust could be one of the reasons.
Without trust, a relationship is doomed to fail.
I’ve had the experience of saving a relationship, and even though I’m happy now, it wasn’t easy.
No matter how much I ignored the facts, it was clear that something had to change.
So how do you save a relationship with no trust?
1) Make your boundaries clear and stick to them
Due to the lack of trust in your relationship, it might be a good idea to consider setting boundaries between you.
So what are boundaries?
Boundaries are rules that you set for yourself and then communicate to the other person in your relationship.
These rules keep you safe and help you feel good and in control.
Boundaries vary from person to person, but here are some examples:
“Don’t ask me to do things that I have clearly affirmed I will not do.
Do not ask me to do or say hurtful things.
Don’t expect me to tell you everything about myself and my life.
It’s not possible for me to be available 24/7, and you should not expect that of me.”
Boundaries keep us from becoming a recipient of our partner’s anger.
They help us retain our self-esteem and protect our self-worth.
When we have clear boundaries and stick to them, we are more likely to move toward true love in the relationship.
2) Communicate Your Emotional Needs
Once you’ve clarified your boundaries, it’s time to talk about emotional needs-especially those that may be ignored or overlooked by your partner.
The most important emotional needs are:
Affection (or touch)
Understanding (including listening to you)
These are basic human needs, and without them, people begin to feel deprived and frustrated.
Once you have clear boundaries, the next thing you need to do is find a way to emotionally connect with your partner.
The longer you’ve been in a relationship with someone and the more emotionally distant they become, the more difficult this becomes.
It’s like starting a relationship all over again!
Communicating your emotional needs means that you become vulnerable and put yourself under the light with no cover.
Loving this person is an adventure, knowing that they may let you down.
It will take some time, but stay strong and be willing to continue to stay in touch time and time again.
3) Talk about the past and present
I’ve found that the past can hold a lot of secrets.
If you’ve been in a relationship before where there was no trust, it’s important to address all the hidden hurts and resentments.
This is the time to open up and share your feelings.
Past hurts can be vented in many ways, but here are three of my favorites:
“I need you to know what happened so I can feel comfortable sharing it with you.
“I want you to understand why I’m upset about it so we don’t go back to it over and over in our minds.
This kind of communication is an important step towards true love in a relationship because it helps both partners feel heard and understood by each other.
4) Active Listening
To save your relationship, being an active listener plays an important role here.
Active listening means that you are really listening to your partner and you are digesting what they are saying and what they need.
You’ll realize that the picture you have in your mind of their situation is different than what you see in their eyes.
This will make you feel closer to them and it will show them how much you love them.
This is also a great way to stay in a relationship because when we are focused, we don’t take things too personally and our emotions are kept in check.
I know it’s hard when you’re feeling hurt, but practicing active listening can help you feel closer and less angry.
5) Learn to Forgive
The first step is to remember that everything happens for a reason.
If we don’t forgive, it’s impossible to move on.
When we forgive, we can turn anger into gratitude, hurt into compassion, and resentment into a lesson.
Forgiveness is the key to clearing your energy field that is clogged with negativity!
I highly recommend that you forgive your partner for the unfair things they have done to hurt you.
It’s a hard thing to do, but it restores trust in your relationship.
Be careful not to forgive if you feel it is too late for your partner.
If you have already forgiven them and know that they will forgive you, then forgiveness will become easier for both of you.
6) Don’t hold grudges or get triggered by small things
I know what it’s like to be triggered and I’ve experienced it many times.
When you are triggered, it feels like the end of the world.
What’s worse than being triggered? Try explaining it to your partner and get him or her to acknowledge it.
The only way I’ve learned to stop this from happening is to try not to be influenced by what someone else says, even if the situation is completely irrational.
Holding grudges and being triggered by little things is a sign of low self-esteem.
These behaviors only make you look weak.
If you are always on thin ice, your partner will never respect you for it.
You need to be able to be happy with yourself even if your partner isn’t aware of your feelings and never let yourself be the cause of conflict.
7) Take responsibility for the relationship
This is a time-tested rule that has helped me deal with my emotions and those of my partner.
It goes like this.” If I take responsibility for my own behavior, I will be more powerful in a relationship than if I hold them accountable for my feelings.”
This mindset will help you stick to your guns and not play with your partner’s feelings.
I remember a time when my partner thought I was cheating on him.
He told me he didn’t trust me anymore, so I told him to leave my house.
I told him that if he didn’t trust me then the relationship would not work.
He left but won’t let it go. I love this man and knew I had to find a way.
But I had to let him know that he had gone too far and hurt me.
If you want to save a relationship without trust, then learn to set limits on your partner’s behavior and emotions.
8) Stay calm in the middle of an argument
Conflict is inevitable in a relationship and it’s really hard to handle conflict well when you have trust issues.
A good rule of thumb is not to raise your voice or rehash old arguments.
Instead, take a deep breath and try to stay calm.
Another thing you can do is to give yourself some quiet time in a safe place where you can remove as much stress as possible from the current situation.
You can also seek the help of a friend or counselor who can help you manage your emotions and learn how to communicate effectively.
9) Take control and let him know you’re calm
Usually, when I have a conflict with my partner, I want to do something to let him know how angry I am; that’s the first mistake I make.
The next thing I do is tell him what he did wrong.
Then we start the repeated arguments and accusations. It’s a horrible cycle that gets us nowhere and can damage our relationship. How do you break this cycle?
Take some time for yourself and go for a walk, but make sure you give your partner some time too.
Don’t call or text, take a deep breath, stay out of touch for a while and move on with your life.
10) Don’t “move on” with someone else.
I see this all the time, but it’s a big mistake.
If you have trust issues, you shouldn’t move on with someone else until you’re absolutely sure that this isn’t another relationship that will end badly.
Being with someone else will only make you sadder.
Being vulnerable in a relationship is hard and takes time. Don’t give up right away.
Learn to communicate with your partner and be honest about your feelings.
It takes patience to build trust, but if you put in the work, you can have a happy and healthy relationship.
11) Don’t try to change the other person
One of the most painful things in a relationship is when you try to change your partner or they try to change you.
I felt guilty about this too.
I thought that if I could just get him to change his behavior, then there wouldn’t be a problem between us. But that didn’t work and made things worse.
Instead of trying to change each other, find a way to accept each other as different and learn how to trust each other.
Look, I know it’s hard when your partner has made a big mistake or you think they’ve hurt you.
But remember, you love the real them – the one who fits perfectly into your life.
You can’t change what you like about them, so don’t try!
Imagine how hard it would be to be with another person who behaves like your current partner?
It’s unlikely.
So instead of trying to change someone, focus on changing yourself.
12) Use your intuition to guide you
I can’t say this is the only way to go about a relationship, but it works for me.
It’s the most important tool you have to make decisions about your relationship.
If you have a feeling deep down that something is not right with your partner or your relationship, then they are probably not safe.
My rule of thumb is, “If my gut tells me ‘no,’ then I can’t do it.”
Trust only those who are trustworthy and listen to your gut.
13) Don’t Leave a Relationship to Be Alone
I’ve ditched relationships in the past to be alone, and it was definitely a mistake.
I know it sounds unrealistic, but it’s also important not to leave your partner just to be alone.
It’s important not to make him feel abandoned and alone.
If you are in a relationship, then make sure you are together.
If it is clear that the relationship has come to an end, then in my experience you should accept it as a new beginning or a fresh start, a new chapter for both of you.
Give yourself time to heal and be with people who care about you and support your decision to continue the relationship.
No matter how much you’ve changed during this time, if you don’t give yourself the opportunity to improve your relationship and make it work for you, you’ll regret it one day.
It’s important to find someone who truly loves and cares about you.
14) Find solutions together
When you’re working on a problem together, it’s important that both of you know exactly what you want and what’s going on.
It’s hard to communicate and solve problems if a person isn’t sure how they feel.
Most people are reluctant to tell their partner what they really think and feel because they fear rejection or judgment.
Many people will initiate change in the relationship first, but leave the decision to the other person.
They will force themselves to make changes even if they don’t want to, and they may not want to do anything on their own.
15) Listen with your heart
This is so simple, yet so hard to do.
When you listen with your heart, you connect with your loved one on the deepest level.
Instead of thinking about what to say next or how to defend yourself, you listen with an open heart – which is really only possible when you have good boundaries.
When you don’t give your partner a chance to talk, they lose trust in you and your relationship suffers.
When you start to feel scared, ask yourself: am I being honest with myself right now?
I’ve learned that when I feel scared and worried, it’s time to take some time for myself.
I like to write down my fears and concerns and then sometimes take an emotional inventory; this helps me to be more aware of what’s going on in my life.
Sometimes I create a plan of what steps I can take to address some of these issues that are bothering me.
Yes, we all want a relationship that makes us feel accepted and valued, but it’s not always possible to be completely sure if your significant other is interested in the relationship.
Don’t give up hope – work on your relationship!
No matter how hard things get, don’t let yourself give up hope.
Take a break, but come back and work on making changes in the relationship instead of letting it go completely.
The more connected you are, the easier it will be to work things out together and strengthen your relationship.
Conclusion.
Relationships aren’t always easy, and sometimes you have to you have to put in the work before things get better.
However, it’s important to remember that there’s nothing more rewarding than having a good relationship – especially when you see how bad it can be.
I hope these relationship rules will help you one day, maybe in the not too distant future.
You deserve the good stuff!