In my role as an emotional counselor, people often ask me what the most common reasons for breakups are. What are the most common themes that come up? What should a person guard against if they want to protect their relationship?
I wanted to take a moment to write this post for you today because unfortunately, there is so much pain and heartbreak all around us. People build something together, invest in a future together, love each other together, and sometimes they still break up. Why? Is there anything you can do to prevent this from happening to you?
If you are willing to put in the work, be honest, and make changes as your relationship evolves, then yes, you can stand the test of time and overcome the obstacles you may face! My goal is to bring to your attention the most common things that bring relationships to an end so you can know what to look out for and what to guard against!
What are the most common reasons behind relationships ending?
In today’s day and age, I’ve noticed that a lot of people don’t want to spend their time and energy on maintaining a relationship. They prefer to throw it all away and do something else. Often, they end up regretting ending a relationship and wanting to get back together with their ex when it’s actually much easier to put some effort into fixing the problems the relationship has been facing!
Once you’ve read through these seven most common reasons for breakups, you’ll have a better idea of whether or not you should end it.
1 – Communication Issues
One of the most common reasons people think their relationship is coming to an end is that they can’t seem to communicate with their partner. Maybe you or your partner have trouble sharing something bad, and then something small turns into a huge problem, or the two of you can’t seem to talk without it turning into a fight.
As I’m sure you know, communication is one of the foundations of a stable relationship.
If you can work through the issue and recognize patterns, then you can work together to come up with long-term solutions. For example, when tensions arise, many of us tend to blame each other and pass the buck. Think about it this way, when you are upset about something, do you go into attack mode?
For example.” You never want to spend time with me! You’re always busy with work or something else.”
I suggest you start paying attention to the way you express yourself. If something is bothering you, try to reorganize your sentences so they don’t sound like an attack. The goal is not to get your partner to switch to defense mode. Remember, the two of you are a team and should work together to find a solution.
So, the sentence above can be rephrased like this:
“I miss spending time with you. Would you like to try that new restaurant that opened on Friday night?”
Remember, problems and challenges are common in a relationship, and the way you communicate them will be a key factor in determining whether they represent the end of a relationship.
2 – A betrayal of trust
Perhaps you are considering ending your relationship because one of you has betrayed the other. Infidelity, lying, or hiding the truth can seriously damage a relationship between two people. Transparency is key, and knowing that you and your partner can trust each other is crucial.
If something happens in the relationship that destroys the trust between you and your significant other, you have to be open about what happened and what you can do about it.
For example, if there were lies, you’ll have to address why it feels like the person who lied can’t be honest. If there was infidelity, find out what’s missing from your relationship and get that person to look away.
It’s worth noting that if you really want your relationship to continue, you must both work to get to the root of the problem and come up with a long-term solution. If you’re facing a challenging problem, don’t hesitate to contact us here. We can design a customized action plan for your specific situation.
3 – Anger Issues
I often see misplaced anger creating problems in relationships. Sure, we all have bad moods at work, but if you take it out on your partner, problems will arise.
Find other ways for your emotions to be released – like physical exercise – and let your partner be a relief. Sometimes all you need to do is tell them that you’ve had a bad day and you just want to relax and watch a movie together on the couch.
4 – Want Something Different
Many people ask me, “Should I end my relationship if my partner and I have different goals for the future?” For example, one person wants kids and the other doesn’t.
These are tough questions because it’s important to be on the same page as your partner. Remember that compromise is a normal and healthy part of any solid relationship, and you have to consider what is non-negotiable.
The key to making things work is to find a compromise that makes both parties happy. If the two of you can’t agree on very important issues, you need to be honest and ask yourself some questions about whether you’re a good fit.
5 – Restrain your emotions
At the beginning of a relationship, people are more likely to express their feelings and affection on a regular basis. As time goes on and people become more lax, their significant other may end up feeling unappreciated.
This can cause tension and insecurity in the relationship. Fortunately, making someone feel special is relatively simple. Consider incorporating thoughtful behavior into your daily lives. Bring back the romance with love letters, flowers, or surprise dinners.
Always think about making your partner feel valued, loved, and cherished, and they should do the same for you.
6 – Lack of Physical Intimacy
Sure, the libido is on overdrive in the beginning of a relationship, and we all know that over time couples start to have less sex, but what happens when the libido disappears completely?
Well, many couples begin to drift apart. Sex is an important part of a healthy relationship and it shouldn’t be allowed to disappear completely. There are many things you can add to your relationship to rekindle the flame of love.
Making some changes in the bedroom or taking the initiative more often can keep things interesting. Let your partner know that you still desire them, and accept them when they show you that they still desire you. If you’re not confident about this right now, you can start doing things to make yourself feel better – like going to the gym or changing your image.
7 – Routine
Last but not least, routine is one of the deadliest things a relationship can go through. Unfortunately, this is something I see all the time. At the beginning of the relationship, everything about your partner is exciting and you want to know everything about each other. As a result you spend all your time together in horrible routines.
Now it seems like there is nothing left to learn about each other and everything seems so monotonous and predictable. Many relationships come to an end because one (or both) parties end up feeling like they want to be excited about a relationship again. They get bored and suffocated.
Fortunately, it’s also relatively easy to break the routine! The solution to this type of problem is to reintroduce new things into your relationship. Start new activities, both together and apart! Give yourselves a chance to miss each other and have new things to talk about when you’re together again.
If you’re trying something new together, it’s even better if it induces adrenaline! Adrenaline can actually help your relationship. Adrenaline can actually help you bond and increase your libido! So consider kayaking, rock climbing, riding a roller coaster, or even doing some exercise!
Love is like most other things in life, where there’s a will, there’s a way!